Talking to an attractive woman who you’ve never met can be terrifying.
It’s hard to describe the feeling. It’s completely irrational, yet paralyzing. Simply saying ‘hi’ becomes the hardest thing to do in the world.
That’s how it was for me at least.
My first attempts at doing “pick up” looked like this:
Walking around a pedestrian mall for two hours, nervously not speaking to anyone, and then going home. To be honest, that’s happened more than a few times.
1 – ‘What kind of person do I want to become?’
“Do I want to be courageous, or do I want to be a chump?”
Ask yourself that when you’re frozen in fear.
Will you take risks to succeed? Can you do what it takes to become the man who you want to be?
These questions always helped me with ‘that one girl’s. You know, the ones you’ve seen around a few times, thought were stunningly gorgeous, but haven’t even attempted to talk to.
Deep down you know: if that girl is half as amazing as you think, she will only date bold and courageous men.
2 – Do it now for the girl you’ll meet in 6 months
There is a skill element to pick up. Confidently talking to attractive women, reading and conveying non-verbal communication properly, understanding how to move a conversation forward, establishing a frame, and dealing with the fact that you’re talking to another person – all of that takes practice.
Therefore, it’s best to reframe the meaning of the approach you’re nervous about. Don’t do it to try to succeed with the girl in front of you. Instead, do it to build the skills to succeed with the type of girls you’re hoping to meet in 6 months. If the girls you’re hoping to smash in 6 months are hot, you’ll need to develop tight game, social confidence, and a strong presence.
3 – Lower the bar of success
In order to get good at game, you’ll have to get a lot of rejections.
In order to stay on course and not get discouraged, you need to adjust your bar of success. If you’ve never talked to a woman in your life, just saying ‘hi’ is a win. If that’s too hard, just making eye contact is a win. As you progress, maybe a win is getting a phone number, moving around and hanging out immediately, holding her hand in the first 30 seconds, or pulling her to a more private location.
Base your notion of success on your actions, not an external outcome that you can’t control. If you get rejected or if the conversation dies, take the feedback to learn from, and apply the lessons toward improving your future actions
This is a good mindset for when you are in training mode. Likewise, it’s good to write down one or two things you want to work on before you go out. That way, you can make practicing sticking points the bar for success.
4 – Reframe nervousness into excitement
Next time you feel “nervous,” reframe that feeling into “excited.”
Physically, they feel the same. Sweaty palms, racing mind, raised heart beat, etc.
Both involve anticipation, but ‘excited’ is anchored to positive and fun emotions. As an added bonus, that sort of positive and fun vibe will generally help with your encounters.
And if you need something to be excited about, use the fact that you’re becoming a better, bolder man who will be banging beauties in 6 months.
Those are my top mindset hacks to push through nervousness and anxiety when approaching.
In the near future, I’ll reveal one ridiculously easy quick trick to make your street sessions and evenings way easier.
Make sure to bookmark The Green Pill and check back soon.