That’s what my younger brother said.
We had just sat down after ordering drinks at an overpriced dive bar for expats. He was visiting me in Asia, where I live.
Thirty minutes prior, I chatted up two younger girls at a popular street food spot. I opened indirectly and kept talking through a bit of initial awkwardness. At one point, I tried introducing my brother, but he had no interest in the conversation. The cute one started to invest. I pumped her emotions a bit and ejected right at a high point, leaving her instantly deflated. I could sense my brother’s ego-protection kicking into gear, so I wanted to make sure the goodbye wasn’t awkward. I wanted to make it obvious to him that they were warming up.
But his outburst was on another level. At that moment I realized he had a mindset that was antithetical to attracting women and capitalizing on opportunities.
If you’ve ever hung out with a highly blue-pilled dude, you might know what I’m talking about.
I calmly endured his moralistic pontificating on how people “should” meet and hook up: through work, friends, and social circles; but not by talking to random people, certainly not young hot girls in public. Guys who have success with women are, according to him, creeps and douchebags.
No wonder he doesn’t get laid.
“You’re gone dude. I used to look up to you.”
Those where the last words before storming off.
“That guy is such a douchebag, he’s the king of the douchebags. I can’t believe you would like him. I used to look up to you, but now I’m not sure.”
It was like talking to an emotional woman. So I treated him like a woman.
I let him speak. I never got upset myself. But I was insistent on my version of reality. I let him walk away, and I didn’t chase or try to appease him. In short, I held frame.
My reality looks like this: I’m not creepy; I’m chatty. Men universally find young women attractive; guys who claim otherwise are lying. If bystanders stare at me, so what? My goal in life isn’t to be as inoffensive possible. I don’t want “didn’t creep anyone out” to be my life’s greatest accomplishment. I’d rather focus on improving my life, not make myself feel superior by negatively characterizing anyone who outshines or has different goals than me.
I never tried to convince my brother of anything. If he doesn’t want to get laid, it’s not my problem. He’s a grown man, not a child that needs guidance.
Instead, I took him to a Martin Garrix concert. There I ran the same chatty guy game on three girls next to us. The evening after, I opened a two girls sitting near us at a restaurant. By now, the shock of seeing me approach wore off. Moreover, I wasn’t trying to demonstrate some weird PUA technique. I wasn’t trying to escalate or pull. I simply showed that just talking to girls isn’t creepy. Instead, it often creates a more positive experience for yourself and the people you’re talking to.
If he made an effort and changed aspects of his thinking, and if he adopted better mindsets and attitudes, he could improve with women. But nagging him or being defensive in the wake of his beta outburst wouldn’t work. As Marcus Aurelius noted, living out your principles is far more effective than speaking about them.
Throughout the rest of his vacation, he never brought the topic up again. Perhaps he realized that I don’t care about his white knight grandstanding. Maybe he still thinks I’m a pervert for gaming girls in the 18-26 range. His opinion of me isn’t my business. I don’t know if I altered his thinking. But that wasn’t my goal anyways.
For me, the experience was a clear view into the mental blocks, limiting beliefs, and social conditioning which prevents ‘normal’ guys from getting laid as much as they’d like.
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If you want to read more about how nice guys fail with women, this post does a nice job of explaining. In another post, I highlighted how Aziz Ansari, despite is friendly persona, is the ultimate creep.
Also, I’m currently writing an ebook which includes all the things I’ve learned about lifestyle design, self development, and pick up over the past 5 years. It’s all the things I wish I knew when I was younger. To learn more, sign up for The Green Pill Newsletter.